Thirty Ways to Love Your Lover

For many men, the thought of affirming their wives feels like a lot of work. But here are thirty simple ways to cherish your wife. Even choosing just three or four of these ideas can do wonders for your marriage. Hard to believe? Try it and see.

A Story to Begin With

Meet Vikas. Vikas is crazy about cricket. He’s the kind of fan who can talk nonstop about his favorite IPL teams to anyone who will listen.

One evening, his wife sat beside him on the couch, wrapped her arms around his neck, and asked:
“Do you love me more than cricket?”

Puzzled, Vikas thought long and hard before replying, “One-day or Test matches?”

While most men might not make that blunder, we often miss daily opportunities to affirm our wives.

Marriage is not a spectator sport. Nor is it the place for verbal jabs or cynical put-downs. What our wives need—what Vikas’s wife, your wife, and mine need—is affirmation: soft, thoughtful, heartfelt affirmation with no strings attached.

Why Affirmation Matters

As men, we often act with goals in mind—sometimes giving affirmation only because we hope for something in return. But genuine affirmation is unconditional.

The goal is simple: to make your wife feel loved, valued, cherished, and affirmed as the love of your life.

Here are thirty nonsexual, practical ways to do that through both words and actions.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

• Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. If she’s asleep, leave a note or whisper a gentle, “Have a wonderful day, sweetheart.”

• Hold her hand while driving, even for a few moments.

• Go to bed at the same time for a week—read, talk, or simply enjoy the quiet together.

• Brush her hair and compliment her beauty.

• Remove the TV from your bedroom. When she asks why, tell her you’d rather spend time listening to her.

• Cook breakfast on a Saturday morning and tell her she deserves a break.

• Bring back old-fashioned courtesies: open the car door, pull out her chair, offer your arm, help her with her jacket.

More Than Words

• Leave sticky notes on her mirror: “I’m crazy about you, Honey. You’re the best!”

• Surprise her with tickets to a show or event she’ll love—just for her and a friend.

• Send her a thoughtful text or email mid-afternoon.

• Fill her car with fuel, clean it up, and leave a note on the dashboard: “Thinking of you.”

• Write her a love letter listing the ways she’s blessed you this year.

Appreciation Goes a Long Way

• Daily say: “I love the way you…” and fill in the blank with something specific.

• Go one whole day without criticism—only encouragement.

• Call her at work just to say, “I’m thankful for you.”

• Gently kiss her neck while she looks in the mirror and tell her, “God broke the mold after He made you.”

• Compliment how she handles tough conversations.

• Thank her after every meal—and offer to do the dishes.

• Notice her spiritual growth and encourage it.

• Acknowledge her work in caring for your clothes and home.

The Little Things

• Offer to help with laundry.

• Always put the toilet seat down—and wash your hands.

• Pause your screen time and suggest a walk together.

• Thank her for errands like ironing or picking up dry cleaning.

• In the morning, cuddle before getting up.

• Let her choose the restaurant for dinner.

• Brag about her in public: “My wife is the best cook,” or “Her creativity amazes me.”

• After intimacy, affirm her tenderly.

• Tell your kids in her presence: “You’ve got the best mama in the world.”

• Help put the kids to bed.

• Initiate daily prayer together—thanking God for her, praying for her needs, and inviting her to pray for yours.

Final Word

For some men, affirmation feels awkward. For others, it feels like too much work. But the truth is: loving your wife well begins with intentional affirmation.

If you’ve been hesitant, don’t wait. Start small, but start today. Even three or four of these simple ideas can transform your marriage.

You’ll never know the difference it makes until you try.

Source

Excerpted and adapted with permission from Rekindling the Romance by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.
© Thomas Nelson Inc., Nashville, Tennessee, 2004.
© Copyright 2011 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.
www.familylife.com