Helping a loved one through depression

Depression is like a disease. It can affect anyone, and it takes a toll on the entire family.

A Mother’s Struggle

My mother suffered from depression right after my father’s death. People often said my parents were “two peas in a pod.” My elder sister and I had never seen them fight. We were blessed with a normal and happy childhood, free of bitter memories. So when my father passed away, the sudden emptiness that filled our hearts and our home left us devastated.

It began with my mother’s sleepless nights and her unwillingness to do daily chores. She would lie awake crying, and sometimes my sister and I cried too because we missed him so much. Eventually, school and work forced us to carry on. Mother returned to her teaching job of 20 years, but she remained emotionally unstable.

Living Through It

During those times, patience and prayer were the only things that kept me going. At times I felt helpless and angry. With the situation at home, concentrating on my studies was difficult, but somehow I managed. I often asked myself: When will she be alright? Why is she behaving like this? My sister had emotional outbursts, crying, shouting at our mother, and I tried to calm her down.

When I decided to get married, my mother’s depression resurfaced. She worried constantly, even though financially there was no problem. Reasoning with her was in vain. Thinking about her health, I agreed to a simple registered wedding. She panicked about every little detail. Thankfully, my sister, uncle, and aunt supported us and helped organize the church wedding I had always wanted. We managed on a tight budget, but her anxiety attacks made everything harder. After my wedding, I moved to Bangalore from Kolkata.

My Sister’s Wedding

A few years later, when my sister was getting married, I returned to Kolkata. By then, my mother had become very dependent on her. The thought of my sister moving to Delhi made her panic. Her depression was at its peak. She was seeing a psychiatrist and taking antidepressants, but they weren’t helping much. She stopped listening to us, repeated the same questions, and sat in the dark brooding.

Though retired, she was offered an extension at another school near our home. Unfortunately, the lady in charge humiliated her in front of other teachers, which added to her stress. She became so fearful of work that my uncle and sister often had to accompany her. It was exhausting for us too, we sometimes shouted at her out of frustration, though we knew it wasn’t right.

A Turning Point

By God’s grace, my sister’s wedding went smoothly. My husband and I then decided to bring my mother to Bangalore so she wouldn’t be alone. She resigned from her job and moved in with us. Through a family friend, we found a counselor and took her for regular sessions over 3–4 months. Slowly, we began to see positive changes. The sessions were difficult, as she released years of pent-up grief, but they worked.

She started sleeping peacefully without medication. Her confidence returned. The counselor encouraged her to stay busy, reading, listening to music, writing, and praying. It felt like a miracle to see her smile again. We will always be grateful to that counselor for helping her recover from something we thought was impossible.

Life Today

Today, my mother lives in Kolkata. She has learned to email and listen to music on YouTube. She keeps in touch with relatives, bakes delicious cakes, goes out with friends, and participates in church activities. Sometimes we joke that she is busier than us!

Lessons Learned

Depression in a loved one affects the entire family. It is important to stay positive and patient. Supporting someone with depression requires immense mental strength. To de-stress, you must do things that make you feel good, listening to music, talking to friends, shopping, or volunteering. I found peace of mind through NGO work, which gave me perspective and strength.

If you are caring for someone with depression:

• Be patient.

• Recognize their problem.

• Encourage positive conversations.

• Seek professional help.

Counseling is not a sign of weakness or “craziness.” Sadly, stigma still exists, but professional help is essential, especially if suicidal tendencies appear.

Family support is equally important. My aunt and uncle were pillars of strength during our toughest times. I have learned that family is the most important thing in life.

Final Thoughts

It was a difficult journey, frustrating and sometimes infuriating. But with patience, prayer, and God’s strength, we faced it all together.