The Secrets to a Lasting Marriage

Reflections from Our 17th Wedding Anniversary

A few weeks ago, we celebrated our seventeenth wedding anniversary. Reflecting on the past years was a deliberate exercise—and believe me, it wasn’t easy.

We’ve walked through many seasons: some steep and mountainous, others stony and difficult, and still others beautiful and refreshing. Looking at the marriages around me—some struggling, some separated, and some sadly ending in divorce—I found myself asking: What kept us together? What are the secrets of a lasting marriage?

I began to expand on the word SECRETS. Here's what came to mind:

S – Sharing and Friendship

I truly believe that sharing and building a deep friendship is key to marital happiness. Developing a close relationship—discovering each other, fighting, making up, talking, laughing, crying, and working together—has helped us grow closer.

We are created uniquely, and naturally, we’re different. But these differences, if handled with grace, can enhance rather than divide. Looking back, I struggled to mold my spouse into who I thought he should be instead of accepting him for who he was. Eventually, I realized that acceptance was crucial in building friendship. Competition was destructive, and I chose to abandon it.

E – Expect Change

Change is inevitable—and crucial—for a healthy marriage. The early romantic phase will gradually evolve into a stage of facing reality. Turning dreams into reality takes hard work. It was important for us to anticipate this and adapt, rather than letting change create strain.

Whatever changes come, stay committed to making your marriage last.

C – Common Faith and Celebration

A shared faith helped us stay accountable and grounded. Our belief in God gave us strength during hard times. Many of our struggles turned into triumphs because we were willing to let God intervene. On our knees, we persevered—and we know that without Him, it would’ve been difficult to cope.

Our faith in Jesus has been our anchor. He has done great things for us.

We also learned to celebrate life—taking interest in each other’s hobbies, having fun, and enjoying shared experiences. Sometimes the daily grind makes us forget to pause and rejuvenate. Take time to reflect and recollect—those memories will strengthen your bond.

R – Respect One Another

Respect is the foundation of any lasting relationship. We’ve always tried to give each other space and honored each other’s individuality.

Being overly possessive can choke a relationship. Healthy respect fosters love, trust, and mutual understanding.

E – Extended Family

In Indian marriages, extended family plays a significant role. I acknowledge their part in shaping who my husband is today. I tried to involve them in meaningful ways while also maintaining healthy boundaries.

Be genuine and open. Build individual relationships with your in-laws. Don’t feel the need to voice every opinion immediately—use wisdom and discernment. Good relationships take time, but with patience and care, they can grow into strong support systems.

T – Trials and Troubles

Trials are part of life and can strain any relationship. Sickness, loss, pressure, and grief will come. But as a team, you can persevere.

We faced two miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy that nearly cost my life, and the daily adventure of raising three energetic boys. Without our faith in God, I would have crumbled—and our relationship might have too. Through those difficult times, we’ve grown in understanding and grace.

S – Selfishness Is a Killer

Marriage constantly challenges your self-centeredness. What I want, when I want it, how I want it—those are natural but destructive attitudes.

One of the toughest challenges in our marriage was learning to move beyond myself and include my husband’s needs. Marriage is about giving more than receiving.

Rooting out selfishness early on is a vital step toward building a strong and lasting relationship.

Final Thoughts

No matter what path your marriage is on, make every effort to stay committed. Things will change, but your covenant and commitment matter.

Your unity will help you overcome the risks involved in loving and being loved. And through it all, you’ll find that the secrets of a lasting marriage are often discovered on the hardest days—but they bear fruit for a lifetime.