What does Work-Life balance really mean?

The urban Indian family faces the dilemma of work-life balance every day. Countless tips and articles are available on how to achieve this elusive goal—but are they truly practical? How do real couples with demanding careers, young children, and hectic schedules manage it all?

Mr. Wilfred Davidar, an IAS officer, and his wife Dr. Shanthi Davidar, a psychiatrist, have a wealth of experience in this area. Juggling a civil service career and medical practice while raising three sons has given them deep insights. In this candid and personal interview, they share how they learned to balance family life with the demands of building successful careers.

Can you tell us a bit about your family background?

Wilfred: My wife and I met through a mutual friend, got engaged within a week, and were married six months later in 1989. At that time, I was an IAS officer on my first posting, and Shanthi was a medical doctor with two years of experience. We began our married life in Aranthangi, Tamil Nadu.

Our eldest son, Ashwinth, was born in 1990 while we were still in Aranthangi. He is now in his final year of an MA in Social Work. Abhishekan (born in 1993) came along during our time in Madurai, where Shanthi was pursuing a postgraduate diploma in Counseling. He is currently a first-year medical student. Our youngest, Ashikanth (born in 1995 in Chennai), is in his final year of school.

With babies being born, bags to pack, and careers to build, maintaining work-life balance became a daily challenge.

What does work-life balance mean to you?

Wilfred: It’s recognizing that we need to work to support the family and fulfill personal ambitions—without letting ambition overwhelm our responsibilities at home. We believe that being a husband/father or wife/mother is also a calling, not just earning an income.

Shanthi: The pressure to ignore that balance is equally strong for both spouses. But true balance requires clarity on roles at home and a commitment to honor them.

Is work-life balance really possible?

Wilfred: It is—but it's not easy. Early in our careers, the adrenaline rush of success was addictive. You tend to stop only when you feel satisfied, which can tip the balance.

If your self-worth is tied solely to career success—titles, salaries, recognition—it becomes difficult. The realization that you're “chasing the wind” often comes too late. We’ve also seen that assuming family life will balance itself out is a recipe for disaster.

How did you maintain balance at home over the years?

Shanthi: We did our best by filling in for each other. When Wilfred had demanding assignments, I made myself available to the boys—and he did the same when I was busy.

Wilfred: We made sure to spend quality time with the kids—whether it was debriefing at the end of the day, going on vacations, attending their school events, or nurturing their individual interests in music and sports.

As they grew older, their interests changed, and we learned to consult them and set clear but gentle boundaries on the “non-negotiables.”

How did you make time for each other and your marriage?

Wilfred: Sundays were sacred—we explained to our managers that we had commitments to God and family. Openness was key. Sharing daily stories, celebrating milestones, and enjoying each other's company helped us disconnect from work.

Shanthi: It was harder during periods of intense professional pressure. But we were quick to notice when we weren’t connecting—and made an effort to course correct. We also cherished our times of prayer together.

What were the biggest challenges?

Wilfred: Finding time as a couple during high-pressure seasons was difficult. After our third son was born, Shanthi had to complete her psychiatry degree in Madurai—300 km away—while I was posted as District Collector in Vellore.

All three boys stayed with me. Shanthi had to endure leaving them behind every time she visited. It wasn’t easy, but we believed in the calling God had placed on her life, and my mother stepped in to help. We got through that season as a team.

Did you have to make sacrifices?

Shanthi: We hesitate to call them sacrifices because we never felt we were giving up something dear for the family—it was a joy.

Wilfred: Yes, pursuing individual ambitions without regard for family can destroy relationships. But at the core of our marriage was a shared faith in God's plan. Even when decisions were hard, we trusted that He was present in them.

What activities did you most enjoy as a family?

Shanthi: Traveling together was always fun. All three kids play musical instruments, so we often had jam sessions at home. During Christmas, we’d even put together small productions for family events—those were memorable times.

Wilfred: We also had deep discussions—about finances, career choices, or life issues. Everyone was involved, and it helped nurture meaningful relationships.

What did you have to guard against?

Wilfred: A lack of quality time was a warning sign. Feeling each other’s emotional state helped us stay connected. We were also conscious not to let selfish ambitions take over.

Shanthi: If you're not careful, the soul of the marriage can be lost—even while the shell remains. We had to be vigilant and intentional.

Did you still find time to grow individually?

Wilfred: Surprisingly, yes! Each of us recognized and supported the other’s opportunities to grow—even if it required adjustments in time, finances, or responsibilities. That mindset has been a huge blessing.

Shanthi: We’ve all grown emotionally, spiritually, and individually—and that’s been the greatest joy.

What is your advice to couples struggling with work-life balance?

Wilfred: Build both your home and your career—don’t sacrifice one for the other. Work roles are often clearly defined, but at home, you must identify and own your role.

Shanthi: Take time to reflect. Get away for a weekend. Talk. If needed, seek help. Ask yourself: Do we have a day off? Are we really listening to each other? Are we fully present when our children need us? Honest answers to these questions will lead you toward balance.

And your advice for parents juggling careers and children?

Wilfred: The early years are critical. Emotional unavailability during this time can cause lasting damage. You have to choose how far you want your career to grow at the cost of family time.

Shanthi: As children grow older, they become more independent. But they’ll only come to you if they trust that you care. That trust is built early on. Invest in it—slow down, set boundaries, and prioritize your home.

Mr. Wilfred Davidar and Dr. Shanthi Davidar currently live in Chennai. Alongside their professional careers, they lead workshops and seminars on family, marriage enrichment, and parenting.

_{All images used are for illustrative purposes only and have been sourced from Pexels.}