Violence against Women of the people, by the people, for the people?

Is it the result of a few perverted individuals, or does it stem from the broader cultural narrative of patriarchy?

Many of us respond to news of rape and abuse with outrage:
“Rape and abuse of women… terrible! How could anyone do that? Those terrible people deserve the harshest punishment. I support women’s protection and condemn such acts. I am a good citizen and a strong supporter of women.”

This self-righteous response is common when we see headlines about violence against women. We condemn the villains and empathize deeply with the victims. Yet, the louder we shout against these crimes, the more we absolve ourselves of any part in the systemic violence women and children face every day.

But where does this violence really come from? Is it just a few twisted minds, or is it rooted in a larger cultural narrative of patriarchy? I believe it is the latter.

Unequally Equal

Consider this scenario: both parents come home after a full day’s work. The father freshens up and settles before the TV or laptop to catch up on news or entertainment, while the mother rushes to the kitchen to prepare him coffee, snacks, and dinner. Meanwhile, she is calling out to the children to complete their homework and chores. At dinner, she receives criticism about the meal from her spouse and kids.

A son growing up witnessing this learns that men are inherently superior and women are “lesser mortals,” even if the mother is equally career-driven. A daughter learns she must submit to male authority regardless of her own achievements.

Who Created the Iceberg of Violence Against Women?

The sexual abuse and rape cases dominating the media are just the visible tip of the iceberg, the larger, hidden mass is patriarchy and male dominance permeating all spheres of life, from bedrooms to courtrooms.

Every one of us contributes to this iceberg, whether by how we treat mothers, wives, daughters, colleagues, or strangers, and by how we speak or write about women. This collective behavior shapes the cultural narrative about women.

In the patriarchal spectrum, women are never truly equal citizens with equal rights and responsibilities. She is either viewed as a weaker vessel needing protection and control, or as an object to be used. Sometimes, she is placed on a pedestal as a goddess, expected to sacrifice all or destroy evil, but this only adds pressure on women who inevitably fall short of these impossible standards and are deemed lesser mortals.

To dismantle the iceberg of violence, we must change the larger narrative about how men and women view themselves and each other.

Media: Why Do You Strip-Tease Me?

The media fiercely condemns perpetrators of violence like the Delhi gang rape, with talk shows, social media campaigns, and celebrity endorsements. Yet, paradoxically, the same media profits by objectifying women.

For example, during the aftermath of the Delhi gang rape, national news channels aired advertisements featuring Virat Kohli giving his friends tips on “ladki patane ke ideas” (how to woo girls) between chat shows discussing women’s issues.

Movies go even further. “Item numbers” (where the “item” is the woman) feature lyrics that demean women, comparing them to “maal” (goods) or “tandoori chicken.” These songs become viral, with children as young as five dancing and mimicking the lyrics at homes, weddings, and family events. Films frequently depict heroes stalking or abusing women they claim to love, and the woman is expected to reciprocate that violence with love. This normalizes abusive behavior for young viewers.

Unsolicited SMS messages with “sexy videos” and similar content flood young people’s phones, feeding them images of women as sexual objects. While society condemns trafficking and exploitation, these pervasive messages shape young minds to see women as commodities.

Though media is not solely responsible for women’s struggles, it plays a significant role in sustaining patriarchy and enlarging the iceberg of violence.

Change Begins at Home

Nearly 90% of violent crimes reported in India are crimes against women. According to the United Nations Human Development Report, India ranks among the worst in South Asia for gender equality, second only to Afghanistan.

Legal reforms and media campaigns alone cannot change this reality. True transformation requires a shift in the very fabric of society and in the mindset of every individual. Men and women must be seen as created equal, though physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually different. These differences do not diminish equality; they enrich it.

If children see men and women treating each other with respect and equality at home, work, and in their neighborhoods, there is hope. Girls may grow up believing they are unique individuals with destinies to fulfill, not commodities judged by male eyes. Boys may come to see girls as equals, not products or lesser beings.

In daily life, we must think and act in ways that show equality and respect. Share household responsibilities, speak respectfully, and avoid crude gender jokes or teasing. Everyone can contribute.

Your Commitment This New Year

Think carefully about the changes you can make and commit to acting on them this New Year. If men and women who stand for equality and justice truly mean it, they must start by living it out themselves.

As Srideevi’s character in the poignant and powerful film English Vinglish says, what women need most is not possessive love, but respect, a love that empowers.