The Stalker and my Ma

She was the perfect daughter, always pursuing success as her parents wanted her to—but yet, He was always there. Will Sita ever be able to escape Him?

Haunted by Fear

Sita sat on the steps of the pond and looked deep into her heart:

"He is never going to go away—always stalking me and ready to attack at any opportunity, watching and waiting. I can feel his eyes on my back. I am never at ease, never feeling safe… when will he finally get me? As a child, my parents always told me ‘he’ is to be avoided at all costs. If he gets hold of me, I would let them down."

So she strived at school to come first, at music and dance classes to win competitions, among her cousins to be the most accomplished and well-mannered. She never let him get close; she was always running two steps ahead.

But all the running to stay on top and keep him away took its toll. She never gave herself permission to laze around, to just be a child—get her clothes dirty, fight with friends, or bite into a mango with the juice dripping onto her face.

Can She Dodge the Stalker?

Never clumsy, never lazy, never angry—she was the perfect daughter her parents wanted. Yet, when she saw the kids on the street, dirty, clumsy, and playing, something tugged at her heart—the desire to let herself go.

But she never allowed herself that freedom. She had dodged him all her life, yet she felt he had her all along. How could it be?

Sita had excelled in everything—topper in school, college, and profession, married to another achiever, and mother to a gifted child. Her parents boasted about her to their peers, and she felt proud. But how long could she keep up the façade?

Facing Old Pressures

After over three decades, Sita accompanied her mother to her native village to fulfill her mother’s wish. The paddy fields, the ponds, and the river brought peace to her heart. For a moment, she almost forgot about him.

But her mother’s words the previous night brought him back:

"Don’t be complacent; you need to work hard to keep your husband happy. I could hear you arguing with him during my last trip—that will not do. Is Subash not going to tuitions? He is coming fifth in class; if he keeps being lazy, he will flunk. Your son’s studies should be your highest priority. Even your house isn’t spotless. You are slacking… Rekha, Shanthi aunty’s daughter, has become the CFO. When will you get your next promotion? You’ve even started putting on weight. Look at you—you look older than me. Better watch what you eat."

Meet the Stalker

The pond looked inviting. Sita wanted to jump in and let the waters take her, envelope her, pull her to its bosom where she could rest in peace—where he could never get her.

He was the villain of her life—Mr. Failure, whose fear had stalked her all her life. Her parents had introduced him to her:

"Don’t let Mr. Failure get you. If you do, no one will want you. You will let us down."

All her life, she had tried to succeed perfectly so that Mr. Failure could not get her. Even as an accomplished woman, she still felt like the small girl petrified by exam results—always pursuing perfection, trying desperately to keep Mr. Failure away.

As she peered into the water, she saw her son’s face reflected. Afraid, trying desperately to please her and win her approval. She saw herself looking at him disapprovingly. Then it dawned on her—she had introduced him to her son. Now Subash was being stalked by Mr. Failure too.

"NO!" she screamed. "I will not let that man ruin my life or my son’s."

Fighting the Stalker

Determined, she went back home. The next time her mother started in with criticisms, Sita stood up for herself and her son:

"It’s good enough for us, Ma. We like our house like this. Subash’s scores are fine. I’ve decided to go part-time at work and spend more time writing and traveling."

Her mother was not pleased, but Sita let her be. She wanted life on her own terms.

Slowly, Mr. Failure stopped stalking her. He still appeared sometimes like an old friend, urging her to push for perfection—but she had learned not to fear him and to say no.

"I laugh out loud, I sing and dance, I play with Subash, and I savor and celebrate every small accomplishment. I take the not-so-successful ventures as learning experiences and don’t let them bring me down. I am free," Sita told her friend Miriam during a holiday together.