Tales of Twin Troubles & Triumphs – The Pre-teen years

The best parenting textbook is life itself. There’s no manual that comes with the “product” when you leave the maternity ward. As a mom, these are some of my day-to-day troubles and triumphs, and how we deal with our twin tweens.

I’m often asked, “What does it feel like to be a parent of three young boys?”
To me, being a parent is like living inside a spinning top powered by a Bugatti Veyron engine. Life moves fast!

Ten years ago, my husband and I welcomed twin boys into our lives. Five years later, our third son arrived, and that’s pretty much when Armageddon began. In between a zillion fights, mountains of cereal, Chota Bheem, uniform ironing, homework battles, tooth pulling, summer camps, and countless other activities, we’ve formed a family. Not perfect, but functional.

Am I an ideal mom? No way. I probably make about a dozen parenting mistakes a day. But through it all, I’ve learned that being a good parent requires a bucket-load of prayer and an abundance of patience. While I’m in no position to hand out expert advice, these few insights from a “trainee mom” may help you in some way.

Four Basic Principles for Parenting a Tween (Pre-Teen)

1. Walk the Talk

To a toddler, a parent is superhuman.
Wow! Daddy can lift me high!
Wow! Mommy makes the best cakes!

Even without a cape, you can do no wrong in their eyes. But that image changes quickly as they grow older. Having a pre-teen at home is like living with a CCTV camera recording your every move, they see and hear far more than we realize.

The other day, I nearly tripped over a parked bicycle in the dining room. As the metal introduced itself to my little toe, I let out a not-so-appropriate word. Right on cue, my two “CCTVs” appeared.
“Mama, if you can say that, so can we!”

Kids are watching us constantly, how we speak on the phone, how we drive, how we treat domestic help, how we talk to our parents. We may fool the world with good behaviour, but our children know us for who we really are. You can lecture them for an hour and they might absorb two percent of it, but what you do will stay with them for years. Slightly scary, isn’t it?

Unless we walk the talk, they’ll tune out.

2. Weigh the Consequences

When my kids were nine, they developed a habit of standing on one leg while drinking their evening glass of milk. Soon, this evolved into spinning around, apparently to demonstrate how the Earth rotates. While educational, neither my husband nor I needed this science lesson daily. Worse still, milk regularly ended up on the floor.

One day, after yet another spill, I handed my son a mop and a bucket. From that day onward, not a drop of milk has been wasted in our house.

Children need to understand that actions have consequences. I’d rather they learn this lesson now than during their teenage years. They will make mistakes, but they should also learn to clean up the mess that follows.

3. Wake the Wonder

Today, education often revolves entirely around report cards. It’s no surprise children feel stressed by exams and competition. Ideally, children should learn because they’re curious about the world.

One day, one of my twins (then in fifth standard) came home and announced, “History is now my favourite subject!”
It was his very first history class. His teacher had asked students to bring an ancient coin and write about it. He was hooked, talking excitedly about all things ancient. In just one lesson, the teacher created curiosity and wonder.

At home, we try to make learning fun, whether it’s building a homemade volcano or discussing a National Geographic program. Children are born curious. Our job as parents is to keep that spark alive so it doesn’t burn out. A positive attitude toward learning helps them stay engaged for life.

4. Wipe It Clean

Have you ever gone to bed regretting something you said to your child? I have. Some nights, I wonder if I’ve been the mother God wants me to be, and often, I fall short.

A few years ago, my sister gave me this advice:
Never let your children go to bed or to school angry or upset.

I try to practice this every day. No matter how difficult the day has been, end it on a high note. Our children need to know that they are loved, regardless of grades, behaviour, or mistakes.

Children may not always express their emotions, but inside there’s often fear and doubt. When we wipe the slate clean each night, we’re saying:
“It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. Our love for you is unconditional. We’re in this together.”

Sometimes, all it takes is a hug.

Cherishing Every Stage

Every stage of parenthood has its struggles, but the joy that comes with it is immeasurable. As I watch my twins grow, I thank God for them every day. Their laughter, even when they’re up to mischief, is better than a quiet house.

There are days when I wish they’d grow up and get married soon, and others when I wish they’d stay this way forever. As parents, let’s cherish every God-given moment and never take a single one for granted.