Marriage Masala: Make Time for Each other

The other day, we were asked what we believe is the main problem couples face. From our experience in working with couples, much of it centers around their willingness to give time to one another.

To give time means we care. It communicates that our spouse is high on our list of priorities. Not giving time communicates the opposite... that we don’t care, or that we are unable to care, and that our partner has been pushed down our list of priorities.

Ruled by Pressure

For many of us, it is not a lack of desire to spend time together... it is simply a failure to make time. Our lives are ruled by work, travel, and school schedules, which grow more demanding as time goes by.

Modern life and its pressures drain every ounce of energy from us. We often have more to do than time allows. Important tasks compete for every moment of our waking hours.

If this sounds familiar, then something has to give. It requires serious reflection on your lifestyle and priorities. Despite all the pressures... and sometimes at the cost of other commitments... you must decide to intentionally give time to your spouse.

Change Your Attitude

Firstly, change your attitude toward your partner. Apart from our relationship with God, our spouse is one of the most important gifts in our lives.

Yet some of us treat our wives as if they were merely movable furniture... a cupboard to dump dirty clothes into and retrieve clean ones from... or like a vending machine that produces meals at fixed intervals.

Others treat their husbands like the number 53 bus. It arrives at 6:30 in the evening (usually late), spends the evening in the depot in a semi-stupor being fuelled, brushed down, and spruced up, and then leaves again at 8:00 the next morning.

Who would want to give time to a piece of furniture or a passing bus? No one.

Take a fresh look at each other. Life is short, and every day of your marriage is a gift.

Plan Time

Secondly, plan your time together. Take out your calendar, mark specific dates, and intentionally set aside time for each other.

It need not be more than half an hour or an hour if your schedules are tight. However, treat this time as seriously as you would a job interview... nothing else should take precedence.

Remind each other the day before. Plan the rest of your day around this appointment. Look forward to it. Get excited about it.

If your boss or a friend asks for your time, say clearly, “I’m sorry, I have another appointment.”

Keep your phone and other distractions away. Give your spouse your complete and undivided attention.

The Date Is Important

Thirdly, make your time together meaningful. Let your partner see that you value it. Arrive on time.

If there is an important matter to discuss, inform each other beforehand and agree to talk about it. Do not suddenly introduce a heavy topic when your spouse was expecting a light, relaxing time together. Otherwise, they may avoid the next date altogether.

Unplanned Surprises

Fourthly, be quick to seize unplanned opportunities. A sudden holiday, unexpected leave, an illness that keeps one of you at home, or the arrival of a relative who can babysit... make the most of these moments.

Sometimes the best memories are made in unplanned time.

Catch the Minutes

Fifthly, be creative and intentional about finding small pockets of time together.

Can you travel to work together occasionally? Spend fifteen minutes doing a kitchen chore side by side? Meet after work and walk home together?

Catch the minutes instead of waiting for hours.

Spice It Up This Week

Take out your calendar today. Look over the next three months and schedule several dates together.

Invest time in your marriage... it is always worth it.

Adapted from Rod and Ruthie Gilbert’s book Marriage Masala, a collection of “52 spices” designed to help strengthen and enrich marriages through creative and practical ideas.