Rock-a-bye Baby: Is it leading to a rocky marriage or a rocking one?

So, you’ve heard the story of the stork bringing the baby, right? How I wish that were true, along with the stork staying back to change diapers, handle feeding, burping, and, you know… the rest!

Raising a newborn is hard work, right? But before this turns into an article on babies, I’d better steer it back to marriage.

This is really about managing your marriage relationship once a baby comes into the picture and, quite literally, turns your world upside down (in a good way, of course!).

“When a baby enters your life, it doesn’t just change your routine, it reshapes your marriage.”

When my hubby and I had our baby, we had no help. I didn’t go to my mom’s place for three months, nor did she come over. It was just Hubby, Baby, and Me.

Now you might understand my opening rant. But jokes aside, yes, it was super hard work, and we had to become Supermom and Superdad overnight.

Were there stresses, strains, and tensions? Yes! But did those pressures cause cracks in our marriage? Surprisingly, they didn’t.

Was it because I stumbled upon a perfect partner? Or perfect principles? Or the perfect God we serve who held everything together?

Maybe it was all of it. I don’t know, and I’m certainly not trying to gloat about having a perfect marriage.

What I am trying to do is step aside, look at our post-baby journey from the outside, and identify what went right, so I can share those insights with you.

Marriage is a partnership, one that must be reassessed and realigned when a baby arrives.

Here’s what I learned:

1. The Right View

We all love a good view, the sea, the mountains, or in Bangalore’s case, maybe just a lake! But what’s the view we hold when we look at marriage?

How we perceive marriage can make or break it.

For instance, if a couple views marriage in the traditional sense, where the husband is the breadwinner and the wife handles everything indoors (baby included), then a situation like ours could easily drive the mother to exhaustion and seriously strain the marriage.

2. Partnership

Marriage is meant to be a partnership, among many other things.

Yes, as a partnership, couples may decide that one will work outside the home while the other manages household responsibilities. That’s perfectly fine, as long as marriage is still viewed as a partnership.

When the “baby situation” arises, responsibilities need to be reassessed. Supporting one another becomes key.

That’s what my hubby and I did.

He stayed with me in the hospital and somehow juggled caring for both the baby and me, including attempting to change the diaper of a just-born baby!

We hired a maid for household chores. My hubby did all the grocery shopping, some cooking, and managed a hectic work schedule, while I learned to cope with all the nuances of caring for a newborn.

Did this arrangement last forever? No.

After a couple of months, once I could drive again, I took over shopping, doctor visits, and other errands so that my hubby could regain a healthier work-life, and work-wife, balance.

We were constantly stepping out to help each other, rather than stepping on each other’s toes.

3. Patience

A time-tested virtue, hard to practice, but absolutely worth it.

We had our tough moments, but we learned to be patient with each other. We were both sleep-deprived (for a couple of months that felt like years!), learning countless new things overnight, and trying to make the best decisions for our baby.

Patience made all the difference.

4. Prayer

No matter what, we prayed.

Whether it was a two-minute one-liner (that would be my hubby) or a heartfelt lament or thanksgiving (that would be me), usually interrupted by a sudden bawl from the baby, we prayed.

Because we knew we couldn’t shoulder the massive responsibility of another life without help from the Creator of that life.

5. Forgiving and Encouraging

We had to remember to forgive, not just each other, but ourselves.

We were often hardest on ourselves when we made mistakes or poor decisions. So we learned to remind each other, “It’s okay. We’re not perfect. Every baby is different. And God has our back.”

Encouragement became our lifeline.

6. No Blame Game

Play any game, but never the blame game (and yes, avoid Blue Whale too!).

Thankfully, we didn’t struggle much here. As mentioned earlier, we were usually hardest on ourselves, yet kind to each other, and that made all the difference.

Now, we’re well past that initial phase. Our little one has crossed many milestones and is the joy of our lives.

The rocky mountains we once climbed feel like a blur now, because today we’re enjoying the beautiful view of a God-given gift called family.

Prayer became our lifeline when we realised we couldn’t carry the weight of a new life on our own.

So wherever you are in your journey, I encourage you to stand strong and keep striving. There is a silver lining behind every cloud, and when the clouds finally clear, you might just see the stork too.