Relationship Matters: Torn Between Love & Work

Ask Our Counselors

Our professional family counselors answer your questions on relationships, marriage, and family.

Q1: My 3-Year-Old Son Cries Every Time I Travel for Work. I’m Torn Between My Dream Job and Being Present for Him. What Should I Do?

Answer:
It’s a tough choice when you’re caught between professional responsibilities and the emotional needs of your growing child. Based on your question, I wonder if you're parenting alone. If your son has always responded this way, he may simply be craving more time and attention. He may not yet have developed the social-emotional skills to manage separation. However, if this behavior is recent, it could indicate a deeper issue that needs your attention.

Children often express emotional distress through behavior. His crying may be a way of getting your attention, highlighting a sense of disconnection. Try to intentionally carve out time just for him. Spend a full day together and gently explain why you need to travel for work. At home, set aside quality time for your family. Put it on your weekly schedule—treat it like an unmissable appointment.

We often make time for everything outside our home, but not for those who mean the most to us. Regret can be avoided if we act now. Children need to feel emotionally connected. Find creative ways to stay in touch—video calls, drawings, or a small surprise from your travels can help maintain that bond.

Also consider his daily environment while you're away. Is he with a maid, grandparents, or in daycare? Differences in caregiving styles between you and others can confuse him. Inconsistency in parenting approaches often results in behavioral changes.

Train caregivers to follow your parenting style as closely as possible. Consistency brings security. You may be excelling at work, but do not let that come at the expense of your family. Put family on your agenda. If necessary, communicate your needs to your superiors. Remember, love is being there for your loved ones—especially when they need you the most.

Q2: My Marriage Has Struggled Since I Took a Demanding Job. My Wife Feels Ignored, and Our Communication Is Broken. I’m Thinking of Quitting. What Should I Do?

Answer:
Workplace pressure can often spill into personal life. When job expectations are high, it's easy to become so goal-driven that personal priorities take a backseat. Begin by evaluating how you're currently prioritizing your life. Setting boundaries early on between work and home life helps prevent long-term imbalance.

Consider writing down your personal goals and the steps needed to achieve them. Track how much time you dedicate to work and how much to your family. This simple exercise can offer perspective.

In The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman identifies five ways people express and receive love:

1. Words of Appreciation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

You and your wife may speak different “love languages.” Take a moment to assess—individually—what makes each of you feel most loved. Then, choose one simple way to show love using your spouse’s primary language. This small step can refill your spouse’s "love tank" and help rebuild emotional connection.

It also seems like your stress at work is impacting your emotional state. Have you shared any of this with your wife? Many people avoid bringing work home, but a certain level of sharing fosters understanding. Let your spouse into your world. Even if she can’t fix the problems, she’ll appreciate being included.

Listening—without immediately offering solutions—builds trust, improves communication, and deepens your emotional connection. Marriage is not just about good times; it's about weathering storms together.

Try reconnecting through intentional quality time. Plan a special evening—a candlelight dinner or a quiet picnic without family or friends. Talk about your most cherished memories or share what you appreciate about each other. Nostalgia can refocus your hearts on why you chose one another.

When you prioritize your relationship alongside your career, you’ll start to see positive changes in both areas. Your job is important—but so is your marriage. Remember, your marriage may last longer than your job. Striking a healthy balance is key.