Is there hope for a messy relationship?

A few weeks ago, a young couple — Prem and Julie (names changed) — came in for counseling as they were going through a turbulent time in their marriage.

The Hidden Weight of the Past

In the first session, I learned that Prem had a difficult childhood. His father was an alcoholic, and his mother had an extra-marital affair. He grew up with a strong desire to build a home filled with joy and peace — something he never experienced.

Julie, his wife, also came from a painful background. She longed for a secure marriage where her husband would provide and she would joyfully care for her home. But as they began building their life together, their expectations were unmet. Prem had become angry and agitated, while Julie was disappointed, depressed, and even considering leaving the marriage.

What went wrong?

Unrealistic Expectations and Unresolved Pain

Having come from broken families, both carried unrealistic expectations into marriage. Their painful pasts placed enormous pressure on their present relationship. Unresolved bitterness and childhood wounds were now shaping their reactions to each other.

I thank God they chose to seek help early, rather than allow their struggles to destroy their marriage.

When Conflicts Build Walls

In the early years of marriage, emotions run high and we tend to overlook our spouse’s flaws. But as time passes, patience wears thin. If conflicts are not addressed, frustration grows — creating emotional barriers that lead to loss of intimacy and, too often, separation or divorce.

The Power of Forgiveness and Empathy

Forgiveness requires us to look at our spouse with empathy — to understand the reasons behind their reactions and desires. But during conflict, we often become self-centered, focused only on our pain and rights. Our defenses rise, and we fail to see the goodness in the other.

Is There Hope for a Marriage Like This?

Yes, there is.

Prem and Julie are moving toward a healthier relationship. They are learning foundational truths about marriage, reordering their priorities, and letting go of unrealistic dreams. Most importantly, they are applying God’s unchanging Word in their lives.

Conflicts are not signs of a weak marriage — nor are they signs of a strong one.
The ability and willingness to resolve conflict is what causes a marriage to grow.

Growing in Oneness

After 22 years of marriage, my wife and I still have conflicts. But they help us understand each other better and grow in intimacy. We follow the biblical principle of not letting the sun go down on our anger. I still remember nights when we talked through an issue until 2 a.m., committed to going to bed only after resolving the conflict.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If conflicts in your marriage feel overwhelming, please seek help early. A good, godly counselor can make all the difference.

You can reach our Home Shanti national helpline to be directed to the right counselor: 

+91 88844 70705

We pray that God will bring Shanti — peace — into your home.