Nurture Your Marriage

Marriage is like a plant. The more we nurture it, the more it grows into something beautiful and admired. The less we nurture it, the more lifeless it becomes—and before we know it, it dies.

We are no marriage experts and don’t boast many years of experience as a married couple. But in these three years of marriage, one thing we have learned is that marriage brings out the best in you—and, whether you like it or not, the worst in you!

A few months before we got married, we attended a marriage seminar where we watched a video called “A Tale of Two Brains” by Mark Gungor. It’s a precise and eye-opening explanation of how male and female brains work differently. It became very clear to us that men and women are wired differently. We have different interests, we act differently, we communicate differently, and we think differently. However, we love the same way.

Many conflicts in marriage don’t come from the heart but from intellectual clashes — in other words, they are “head” things.

We were fortunate to learn these truths early on. So, when we married, we understood each other better. Questions like, “Why does he always answer ‘I’m not thinking about anything’ when he clearly looks pensive?” or “How are these two things even connected?” suddenly made sense.

But here’s the beautiful part — despite these differences, we cannot imagine life without each other. God is amazing, and His plan for marriage can be a fun, enjoyable reality in our lives, contrary to what TV shows and movies often portray.

How We Nurture Our Marriage

1. Knowing Our Love Language

We all respond differently to love and affection. Knowing this has helped us immensely. We took a simple test based on Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” — which identifies words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and quality time as the main love languages.

Once we understood each other’s preferred love language, we could communicate love more effectively. This new way of “speaking love” brought romance and deeper understanding into our marriage.

You can take the love language test online here:
www.5lovelanguages.com

2. Listening

From childhood, we learn how to talk, read, and write—but rarely are we taught how to listen. People tend to be generous with their words but stingy with their ears.

In the busyness of life, we often overlook the need to truly listen to our spouse. We get so focused on making our own voice heard that we rarely listen with full attention—no distractions, no half-watching TV or sports.

We make it a habit every night to listen to each other over a hot drink. Sometimes it’s just random talk, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s our time to connect and enjoy each other’s company.

3. Forgiveness

The Bible instructs husbands to love their wives and wives to submit to their husbands. In God’s divine wisdom, He knew exactly what men and women struggle with—and gave us these instructions accordingly.

I struggled to forgive my husband when he wronged me. Pride, attitude, and mindset often got in the way of forgiveness.

However, when I reflected on the immense forgiveness I have received from God—unconditional and undeserved—it made forgiving my husband easier. God loved me as I was, yet forgave me completely. This truth softened my heart, and saying “sorry” came more naturally.

We pray regularly for God’s love to flow through us so we can love each other more deeply. We recognize that relying on our own strength leads to failure, but with God’s strength, there’s no looking back — the adventure continues.