Better Late Than Never

Time is a rare commodity, but there is no shortcut to building healthy relationships. Families need to understand the value and importance of spending time together.

As the Director of an organization involved in family counseling and marriage enrichment, I travel all over the world conducting marriage and parenting seminars. Ironically, this often keeps me away from my own wife and three young boys.

A few years ago, my wife and I made a New Year’s resolution to spend more quality time with our children. She had expressed very strongly—but gently—that our responsibilities must begin within our own home.

She said,
“I have heard you go on stage and say that you are an absentee father and that you feel guilty about it. Stop feeling guilty and start practicing what you desire to happen.”

We decided that every Monday evening would be set apart exclusively for our children and ourselves.

Priorities Begin at Home

I realized that I never want my children to grow up saying that their father was a teacher and preacher to others but never a good father to them. That is the last thing I would want to hear.

God gave children to parents—not to schools, grandparents, or maids—to do the parenting. It is my duty to raise my children. I need to be there for them. This must be a priority.

To create quality time, some mothers have consciously chosen to stay home to be more available to their children. I know families who have decided that one spouse will work full-time while the other works part-time to remain present at home. I also know fathers who have taken less demanding jobs so they can be more available when their wives work full-time.

My position as Director can always be replaced—but no one can replace my role as my wife’s husband and my children’s father.

Titles and positions must never take away the fun, humor, and joy our children deserve.

Family outings or quality time will happen only if we make them a priority and schedule them intentionally. If family time is treated as an optional extra, we are not being fair to the responsibility God has given us as fathers, mothers, husbands, or wives.

A Counseling Encounter

A few weeks ago, a father brought his teenage son to me for an informal counseling session. According to him, his son had become rebellious, withdrawn, and more interested in friends and online games. The home atmosphere was strained, and he felt his son needed counseling to “fix” his behavior.

When I spoke privately with the boy, he slowly opened up. He shared that his relationship with his father was strained because he felt his father had no time for the family.

His father worked in the Gulf, and when he came home on vacation, he spent most of his time with friends or extended family. The boy recalled an incident when his father walked out of the house in anger and blamed him before returning to the Gulf. He did not hear from his father for eight months.

During that time, he slipped into depression. Online games and television became his escape.

I asked him to write down what he truly desired from his family. He wrote that all he wanted was for his father to be home more and spend time with them—to be a normal family.

When the father read this, he was deeply shocked. The “rebellious son” he had “lost hope in” was simply longing for his father’s presence.

That day, the father asked his son for forgiveness and left with a resolution to spend regular time with both his son and daughter.

Creating a Home Children Love

I am grateful my wife spoke sense into me early enough.

Today, my youngest son—now 10 years old—still loves Monday evenings. In fact, he wishes every evening were Monday!

Ask yourself:

• Is your spouse excited to come home because you are there?

• Do your children love returning home because it is a place of fun and joy?

Fun and humor must be intentionally woven into family life.

Putting It to the Test

As I was writing this article, I decided to test this idea with my own children.

At the end of 2014, I spent time alone with each of them and asked what they would like me to do differently in 2015.

My youngest quickly said,
“I want family time to continue properly.”

Our family time had become irregular for a few weeks due to shifting houses and my travel schedule, and he was eager to have it back.

My second son, Ankith, said,
“It’s truly a fun time. I now know the skills of all my family members.”
Then, smiling, he added,
“Papa, you don’t know how to throw a ball properly.”

Final Reflection

So how would you rate your home?

Is it a boring place—or an exciting place your family longs to return to each day?

What can you do today to be more present for your children and bring humor, warmth, and fun into your home?

Because in the end, strong families are not built by accident—but by intentional time, love, and joyful togetherness.