Happy 96th Birthday Dad!

Taking care of my father, who just turned 96, has been a journey filled with ups and downs — but through it all, I have learned so many valuable lessons.

My dad seemed well and active right into his late eighties. It was only during a visit to Canada (where we lived at the time) in 2006 that I noticed memory lapses and occasional incoherent speech. I was concerned, but not overly alarmed. He lived on his own, had dependable help, and was well cared for.

“Silvia, I am bleeding!”

Less than a year later, my husband and I felt called to return to India to start Forward Press magazine. As we began packing in March 2007, I received a call from my dad:
“Silvia, I am bleeding.”

He had a long history of bladder infections and bleeding, even after three prostate surgeries. I immediately flew to India and brought him back to Canada for treatment. I continued to care for him until we returned to India as a family in July 2007.

It was then — while going through his papers and accounts — that I realized he was no longer able to manage things rationally. At 89, he was diagnosed with senile dementia. He was still living in Pune while we were relocating to Delhi. It broke my heart to tell him he could no longer live alone. I had to be firm. I know it hurt him — but he agreed, and moved with us to Delhi.

My Home Became a Retirement Home

That was in April 2008. Dad has been with us for almost seven years now. These years have been challenging as we faced one medical crisis after another. Being a doctor has been both a blessing and a curse — a blessing because hospital visits are fewer, and a curse because I fully understand the gravity of every crisis.

Years before I took over Dad’s care, I had dreamed of opening a retirement home in Pune, inspired by the beautiful facilities I saw in Canada. But in 2007, land prices skyrocketed — and the dream remained a dream. Instead, our own home transformed into a retirement home as I cared for both Dad and my ailing elder sister.

What I’ve Learned in 7 Years of Caring for Dad

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way:

1️⃣ The Loss of Independence Is Hard

It is a big adjustment for an independent elder to suddenly become dependent. We tried to make Dad as comfortable as possible — meals on time, foods he enjoys, newspapers every morning, and encouraging social interaction whenever possible. As his hearing worsened, his engagement reduced because he refused hearing aids — but we still tried to keep him involved.

2️⃣ Love and Physical Affection Matter

The elderly need affection as much as anyone. I ensure he receives hugs, kisses, and simple pampering like pedicures. One day, when I kissed his forehead while adjusting his bed, he instantly said, “Silvia.” He recognized me — because I am the only one who does that.

3️⃣ Make Their Space Accessible

We reorganized his room so he could move around easily. A sturdy walker helped him stay mobile. Lack of movement causes stiffness — and that leads to more difficulties in caregiving.

4️⃣ Healthy Diet and Fluids Are Essential

Constipation is a major issue in old age. We focused on water, fruits, and raw vegetables. As his swallowing weakened due to minor strokes, liquids became risky — so he now has a permanent nasogastric tube for hydration. Blended solids still allow him to enjoy a modified version of what we eat.

5️⃣ Hygiene Affects Their Dignity

Baths may become infrequent with age, but they are crucial for well-being and self-respect. We schedule baths 2 times a week in winter and 3–4 times a week in summer. Grooming reminds them they are valued.

6️⃣ Prevent Bedsores and Infections

Daily massages improve circulation. We invested in an air mattress and reposition him frequently. Respiratory infections are common due to choking risks and long hours in bed, so we keep him upright in a wheelchair often.

7️⃣ It Takes a Whole Family

I am grateful for my supportive family — especially my husband, who tucks Dad in at night during winter and shaves him every Sunday. My daughter, until she married, was the apple of his eye. Even now, she and her husband pray and sing with him when we travel.

A Difficult but Sacred Calling

Does it sound easy? It isn’t.

When he chokes, coughs violently, or soils himself despite the catheter and diapers — there are moments I feel tested beyond endurance. Yet my prayer remains:

“Lord, not a day earlier nor a day later than You have purposed for him.”

What more can I do for the father who loved me unconditionally?

Through every struggle, Dad never complains.

When asked how he is, he always answers the same: “I’m fine.”

On February 11th, Dad turned 96!
We celebrated with the whole family and spoiled him with special treats all day long.