Redefining beauty

As children we are fascinated by everything, including ourselves. As we age, we start questioning everything, including the way we look. Body shaming becomes a way of life with effects that transcend beyond our physical appearance…

I distinctly remember the conversation, I think I was in 11th grade. An aunt came up to me and said, “You’ve lost so much weight, you look gorgeous!”. Looking back, I realize I hadn’t really worked to lose that weight, or for that matter hadn’t even consciously thought about it, till she pointed it out. It was just me, growing up, and getting rid of the baby weight.

But well, the seed had been sown, to look gorgeous, I had to lose weight. Forward 20 years, I am now a mother trying to juggle the kids, a husband, a house and all that comes along with it. Add to that the extra pounds that happily sway along my middle, constantly telling me, that I am not gorgeous anymore.

Every time I look into the mirror, I see the flab and pledge to work to get rid of it and then life happens and I forget. A few days later, the same reminder. Some days, I struggle to get an an hour of exercise, others I skip a meal or decide not to have dessert. But then, between all the roles that I play, these brave decisions get dusted under the carpet!

Go back some 30 years, I was a regular little girl, flouncing around in something that my mother made me wear. All that I wanted was to run off and play. And then came the observation,  “Oh, you look so pretty in that dress”.  From that day onwards that was the only dress I wanted to wear. I remember that one time that I decided not to climb a tree because my dress would get dirty.

In retrospect, I don’t quite remember what the color of the dress was, but what I do remember is my friends giggling somewhere in the midst of the branches, while I sat alone right at the bottom. Maybe, I should have climbed that tree. And as we go along and grow along, everything else becomes minuscule.

What we are praised for the most is our appearance and rightly so, beyond a point, we aspire to look perfect, to stay gorgeous. And we judge others on the same basis. Body shaming becomes a part of our daily existence. From observing and commenting about weight gain, weight loss, outfits, hairstyles, everything goes through careful perusal and extremely critical judgement.

Sadly, we are programmed to do so and sometimes, it makes me wonder, why didn’t anyone point out how fast I could run, or how well I could read. Would it have made a difference to what is important for me? Wouldn’t that have made my perspective broader when it comes to appearances? Now, as I bring up my own children, I hope to do it differently.

I want them to know, that it’s great to look good, but there is a lot more that goes into being who you are. They should understand that we need to look beyond our perceived flaws and embrace who we are and how we look.

Balanced importance
It is important to understand how a child strives to impress and get attention. Hence a balance is essential, complementing how they perform a task, how they behave and what they are made of, rather than labeling them as handsome and pretty, goes a long way in creating confidence.

Going forward, they wouldn’t focus on just looking good to gain attention and would realize that they have a lot more that can get them the correct attention.

Love what you have
As children, we love what we are born with. As babies, we are fascinated by the simplest things, our toes, our fingers… And then as we grow older we lose that fascination and try to fit in a mould that defines pretty and handsome. We all aspire to be Cinderellas while the men vie for the title of Prince Charming.

It’s a tough task, because as we grow, our body evolves and we change, yet the desire to stay gorgeous remains. This one mould fits all is a myth. It isn’t possible. And just as we grew up loving ourselves, it’s important to go back to those roots and live by example of loving what we are today and not just what we look like.

Healthy is what matters
In a world that’s dominated by photographs of models who look picture perfect , it is tough not to make that an everyday goal. But somewhere along the way, the whole importance of being healthy and fit is lost. It’s all about, eat this if you want rosy cheeks, eat that if you want to be tall.

We as parents sometimes forget that it’s more important to tell our child that Health matters. In the long run, fitness will outweigh how good one looks. The impact of body shaming goes far deeper than most of us realize. From teenagers considering suicide, because someone made fun of them to being a cause of depression, it’s amazing what low self esteem can lead to.

Appreciating ourselves helps us in creating a positive image and that affects almost everything we do. Also, our children are sponges, constantly absorbing what they see. Every time, we look into the mirror and comment on our flaws, they hear us. And somewhere in their tiny mind, it registers.

How we look at ourselves and what we believe is important and it  will be their foundation of how they perceive themselves. So we need to stand up tall, appreciate what we have, quit commenting on how a person looks and instead need to start working on a positive body image and a healthier existence.